the thinking room

What’s taking me away

syafique — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 19:54:55 +0000

It’s been almost two years since the last post required justification.

And that is how long I learnt that some things cannot be forced. That the universe has laws that governs its beings. We’re just abiding to it whether we like it or not. We have to; to avoid the undesirable effects.

Today, I learnt more about where I stand. Nah, not on the universal scale. On your scale. Around your orbit. Your heart also has rules that governs the way you feel. It was a locked chamber before. Prying it open would destroy the whole beauty of it. So I tried with all the tools in my shed, it was grueling. I wasn’t sure if it was the sharpest tool but it certainly was the one which cared enough to weave its way through and uncover the veil. I didn’t see to understand the whole matrix but I saw the things that matters for now. I’m thankful to God that he allowed me the opportunity. And I’m glad that this happiness is a shared one.

I want you to know one day that you’re special. That we both walked through separate rough patches to make it here. It is too much for coincidence considering the course of events. We wouldn’t even know of each other’s existence. And you have impacted a lot, even now.

There is still much to learn. And God, I’ll be patient. I thank you for leading me to her. I hope that in time, I’ll write again with the bright sky still hovering over my head.

Good night,
Fique.

what comes and what takes us away

syafique — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 14:21:01 +0000

Sometimes the path might be winding, meandering when you head into a direction. It’s just the youth, when you wanna have fun, experience what life has to offer, good and bad. There’ll come a certain point in the view of a third person that you’re confused with what you want. Mixed up moralities and having too many on your platter at once. Nah, they’re not wrong, they’re just evaluating from what they see in the eye of their minds. We see what the mind wants to see, analyze and conclude in the way the mind has been moulded and shaped by our upbringing and set of principles sprinkled on us day by day over the years. It’s like how everyone has their own thoughts on what they see in a painted picture.

But in my view, I’m just taking my time and see what comes to me and what will take me away.

Or could you see me coming to you and take you away?

so far away from myself

syafique — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 06:23:20 +0000

sometimes i wish things would just lay down for me and up for me to grab them. it’s tiring, having to sweat it out, fall and get right back up just to achieve that something you really want. you fall, you get up, stumble and pick yourself up, when is it gonna end? maybe the lust for challenges has gone a long time ago. the thrill of the chase makes my legs tired to go on another step. i just want things to be normal again. no more uncertainties, no more worrying. i got what i want, but now i have to grab those things i need, the ones that really matter. the ones that fulfill me. enjoyment is an easier way out than fulfillment, but fuck it, the backlashes, i’m feeling it now. i’m empty, hollow inside. i need a drive to continue running towards the goal i have in mind. these small bits of adrenaline could only last me for awhile.

it’s tiring to be a strong person. or trying to be one.

where your mind at, fique? where’s the old you? he seems so far away from the reflection right now.

Direction

syafique — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 11:52:10 +0000

It has been ages since I blogged. Now I’m finding time to do it again. Had been too busy with..hmm…practically nothing, I think.. Cos why? I realized ive been living through each day to get by, no goal, no aim. “Whatever happens, happens” seemed a difficult term to live on cos you tend to overlook things when undesirable results occur. It used to be a term that describes freedom, liberation from being stuck in a cage guarded with rigid pillars which governs our confined space. But you begin to realize that when you tear down the pillars, they’re not actually taboos which stop you but rather, principles. Of cos you gotta loosen up a lil but some principles gotta remain so that you know where you’re heading. Damn, I really need a stronghold of myself cos I’m living without a backbone. I have to find that rhythm and rhyme to go through each day.

A direction, that’s missing.

awfully grey

syafique — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 16:35:31 +0000

he was a mere five foot nine, a tanned skin burnt by the sun.but he had these eyes, eyes that tells a story.seems cheery when it locks into yours for a conversation but one could see behind those eyes, or perhaps at the rims of the iris, there was sorrow, one that longs for peace when it was often disturbed. you could see thin frown lines in between his eyebrows as he stops to think before uttering something with the same eyes, slightly squinting, probably in a split second, rewinding back all the lights that it has walked in before. probably one of regrets but knew it was destiny that brought him to this place for a better change.i looked into his eyes and told him he ought to be stronger, more thankful and accept the light that he is in now. he walked away; after he looked at me in a painful determined look, washing away the tiredness off his face, gritting his teeth, his cheeks dropped slightly to the corners of his lips and swallow the pride down his throat slowly.

she came. on a clear day,but the backdrop was rather dark. she had a small grin on her face as he held her hand and you could see her ears raised up in a slow gentle manner when she grinned. her eyes sparkled a tiny naked flame, old but bright. he looked at her and was about to say out the first word. she turned, with that same grin and flame in the eye.she said “i know.i love you too”. it was short, the moment was sweetly thin and fine. he gave a small thankful smirk with it ending with a grin on the right side of his lips. he then said “i love you”. almost in a whispering manner. but little did he know when the lights came on again, it was awfully grey.

bring it back

syafique — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 14:09:49 +0000

i miss how it used to be us 3. things were much simpler, more light-hearted. we laugh, we had fun, had our share of thrills and spills. imitating mr lai during physics tutorial and have fatin laughing her stomach off, hafta walk away from my bloody face to stop laughing. how i, being the ass that i was, played the song “i willl be right here waiting” when imraan just broke up with amira. ahaha..i remembered when we didnt worry about shit, school, jjc was like heaven to go to everyday. looking back at it, i just wish that God would put me into sleep right now, just give me one day in that part of my memory when i was so happy.hehs, bring the 3 of us back there, life was so simple, so easy-going.goofing around in sch, slack during mt lesson cos we dont take mt..and hey, i miss sleeping in the rooftop cafe we used to have..

now we all have separate lives on our own.fatin has her own agendas, imraan; meet him once in awhile when he books out. i’m handling with so much changes in my life, gotta adapt and get suited to. damn, let’s just have one day to meet up and let’s bring it back, you know how it’s like.. or am i the only one missing this? shitt, i swear the both of you wanna bring it back..

bring it back, swing just one last timeeee

let everything be normal again

syafique — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 04:58:00 +0000

i hate this.living in fear,in discomfort and not knowing what will happen next.

i remember when life was less scary, everyone could go out and be free without having to worry about getting infected with anything of some sort.it was simple, and we were happy.so so happy.now that place seems like a long way back. i long for the day to come when we sketch the picture of that place again, pouring white paint on this tainted canvas and start anew.we’ll draw a beautiful picure.and refine it everyday, keeping it away from flaws to the finest little details.

one by one, people whom i was related to, called in to say they’re ill.i just can’t help but to feel guilty.i could’ve prevented it, could’ve been stronger.there were plenty enough permutations that could’ve stop this from happening.i cant bear to watch them suffer when i’m already okay.the virus takes its toll harder on some of them and it is caused by me.

let’s just pray everything will be normal again.and we can put on the smiles we used to have.

just that little dose.

syafique — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 15:56:28 +0000

b.e.s.t.i.e.s

dear mat,
set your priorities right can? you gotta watch on those spending and dont get caught up with what you wanna do in life. where’s fique the leader? where’s fique who plays soccer every week and get everyone lively? aah dayymmnn.. dont live for the day too much..live today with tomorrow in mind yeah? evaluate and stop it there,lay back and chill just like how you always do. dont evaluate and think too much. and to get your goal, do it one step at a time, dont let them jumble up together. cmon, we both need each other to tell how stupid we are in situations at times. that’s why we’re besties.
Yours Truly,
Bestie

it’s been quite some time that we last met since somebody was away on HIATUS.haha, but hey, i know you still care aiittee? *winks haha..and yeah i guess we both need that little dose of “hey, where your senses at?” and realize we’re all acting stupid.like what albert used to say, “sometimes your friends know you better than you know yourself”.i guess it was proven today that i need that little push or a nudge to my neck saying “fique, you oughta think like that, it ain’t you”. now, let’s pen it down and draft it out, step by step, the plans, the priorities that i’m at. fuck it, start at ground zero.work with what you have.dont ask for more, lay backk and unwind yourself with all the things you can afford for now.

Dear Atinn,
thanks for being my bestie.i couldnt be more thankful to be in the same class as you were and share everything together back in the days.i still need that extra lil’ something to pull me backk to the ground when i just feel like escaping above.i need just that little dose of my bestie to know that i can think when i want to and think about the necessary things.have i ever told you i love you and you’re special in my life? yeah, you’re just like my lil’ sister who i dote on and gotta sit you down to get shit out of your head.haha,guess sometimes you hafta take shit off my head.and thanks, you’ve been there for me through good and bad times even if it meant losing yours or our friends.thanks for turning me back in and giving me direction again.
Love,
Bestie.

we should have our happy days again.me,you,imraan,esham perhaps and the happy people.
i’m glad to have you around, really do.and this post is just for you.

lay backk

syafique — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 12:35:36 +0000

For Yesterday is but a dream.
Tomorrow is nothing but a vision.
But
Today well-lived makes
Yesterday a dream of happiness and
every Tomorrow a vision of hope.

live for the day cos today is the most important day in your life.
that’s when you breathe the air now.
the air might bring a different scent tomorrow.
so different was the air of yesterday.

i’m a keep on walkin’, strollin’.just to be sure of the path.

dont walk with pride.it’ll bleed your toes, fique.

thinking room part 1

syafique — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 16:34:14 +0000

wanted to blog since a long time ago and i realized all my notes and rants are everywhere in books and ipod.haha.and yeah, it’s still asfiqsiated, for those who remembered that name like wayyy back.

alright, let’s cut to the chase.

there’s a lot happening lately.2009 has been a year which i’ll always remember cos the tides change so swift and so fast. almost like i’m in digital world being picked up by the mouse cursor and being put into a whole ‘n other realm.a lot of emotions were involved; angry, sad, depression, realization and evaluation leads to rationalization.some have said i’ve changed, for better or worse, i’ll just make my own conclusion.those who stood by me realize i’m still the same person in their eyes only with a different expression.i’m still me.same fiq,same ol’ cranky ass who damn right knows what fun is but some of my thinking and dimension has changed.trust me, homies.

yeah it changed me lil’ bit.it was like a knock, a sucker punch to my ribs that made me fall unto the gravel pit.when i was down, i got up again, i got stronger and you guys really helped me recover fast.i dont need to mention names, you guys know who you are, so i’m a say THANK YOU, a big shout out to ALL OF YOU.haha.it was cold and dark in the pit but i was never alone knowing that hands were reaching out and helped me get up, and keep on walkin’.and i’m gonn keep on walkin’.when i walk after the blow, it changed me alot as i re-evaluate my life.i learnt how patience is really a virtue and staying cool, calm, collected is really the key to thinking right, get the decisions that i made more tactful.and things happened for a reason, a cliche? but yeap, you hafta be thankful and grow what you have and what is given to you, not just living and being contented with it.

i think alot most of the time in this room.and i feel thankful that it all happened cos i guess we both need it, cos we didnt love each other much to accept the flaws and know the rationale behind every of it.and i’m glad when i think of it, it feels so yesterday and that the sentiments remained as sentiments and no longer love.only special as part of the past but it no longer brings meaning to why i breathe the air each day.i’ll take what i need, and i’m a be on my way.i’ll keep on learning as the sun sets on me, and the day brings a different light.and yeahh, change is good.it’s colourful i guess.ilovethis,ilovelife.this part of the game feels right.

let it slide.